1/18/2021
Hi, it's been a long time since last time I posted on this blog. I'm coming with some devastating news of my life. You know, I'm nearly close to the end of my study. I've been submitted my thesis proposal and currently doing my first chapter but it feels devastated already. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck right now. I have to do the first chapter revision. I'm okay with chapter 2 and 3 but this chapter 1 is more difficult instead of chapter 2 and 3. I haven't transcribed the next videos. I have to do it quickly as soon as possible.
But, I'm so stupid. I can't feel the spirit of me while doing this. Meanwhile, guys, I have to finish my thesis at least in my 8th semester. I'm a scholarship awardee and this is so burdening for me. I have finished all my organization stuff, from UKM, BEM, then DEMA. Please, it is enough. Don't burden me again with that kind of things. I want to focus on my thesis right now.
I'm so poor cause I didn't receive any jobs from the company since December. Only left no more than one million now in my bank account. I want to find another job but I'm afraid it will affect my performance on my study. What should I do. I'm so poor, useless, bad and really just like a piece of sh*t. My parent will never understand this. I'm not close to my parent. I don't usually tell my stories especially about my study to them. They don't ask and I never tell. Yeah, what a hell my living now.
My only way to escape from reality is that now I realize that being a k-pop fan is the best way to run away from my devastating life. I've been listening to Super Junior's songs. Actually, 've been a fan since the popular song Sorry sorry but I didn't interested in k-pop anymore back then. In this pandemic, I was so bored, couldn't find anything better than listening to music. Then I found my taste. I listen to some k-pop songs but mostly Super Junior's song because it really fit my taste.
While doing my trash college thesis, I walk along with Super Junior's activities. I love all of them. They are my role model even though I know they did mistakes too. But, as a human, we should forgive each other right? I'm only looking at the positive things only. I love Leeteuk as the leader here because I've been through so many student organization. I learnt from him that patience is the key and also commitment. He is a good leader for 15 years and I'm looking forward beyond ^^. I love him that he can be a leader to the whole groups for so long. How hard is that? I can't imagine if I were Leeteuk oppa. That's what I took a lesson from him. We should not be an egoist person. We should do and work harder. Struggle for whatever we deserve then reach our own goals.
I'll take a lot of lesson from their personality though. I have to be patient and just let it flow as what I don't expect at all. I need to do my revision this week and submit it to the advisor. I need to do it. Should do it. Obviously! Please God, send me a lot of strength and power. I'm so devastated right now. I'm too old to be called teenager but too young to be called adult. I'm almost reaching my quarter-life crisis. That's it, 3 years from now. I have to finish my study first then find a stable job.
I'm not hating my life now. I'm just lack of gratitude so I have to build more faith to my heart and sincerely love the way I am. Please dear myself, do the best at everything!
