october diary ~ chapter 2

Demotivation is a temporary loss of drive, enthusiasm, or the willingness to do something.

Ya, betul sekali. Demotivasi ini sedang terjadi di beberapa orang bahkan sebagian besar team aku dan juga team yang lain mungkin. Aku tau banget, betapa terpuruk nya kalian berada di pekerjaan ini. Tuntutan nilai performance yang tinggi, aturan yang ketat, dan kurangnya apresiasi terhadap kerja keras kalian. Aku tau banget.

Aku sangat sangat sedih melihatnya, rasanya ingin membantu, tapi bagaimana ya. Kita bekerja dan memang selalu akan ada aturannya. Sadly, kita bekerja di third party company. Bukan inhouse atau pun PNS. Jadi, mau tidak mau ya aturan itu sangat ketat untuk ditegakkan. Jika tidak, maka client sebagai (sumber) penghasilan kita akan pergi. Client mungkin akan pergi ketika kita tidak achieve, tidak perform, dan bahkan terkena finding.

So, jika kalian semua sadar dan melihat balik lagi, ya memang itulah yang harus dipenuhi untuk bisa bertahan disini. 

october diary ~ chapter 1

Saking capeknya, aku ngga tau lagi harus istirahat dari apa.

Sifat asliku muncul setelah aku mengalami cobaan dan ujian yang bertubi-tubi. Tidak ku sangka aku akan menjadi seperti ini. Dimana aku yang sering dianggap berhati malaikat itu?

Mungkin hanyalah pencitraan aku di masa lalu.

Life Update 2026

It's been a very long time, since my last update.

I'm moving out of my hometown. I got a job here and surviving almost 3 years. Actually, life has been very tough for me. It's either because of my bad personality or I just simply actually not qualified enough for being in the position right now. 

So sorry, for those who are facing my bad leadership. I promise to leave as soon as possible. 

Kecewa

Aku kecewa sekali

Semoga Tuhan membalas apa yang telah terjadi

Ini berat rasanya karena aku difitnah dan rasanya sudah melewati batas wajar

Cause you have a bad day

Because you had a bad day, you're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know, you tell me, don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Yes, that day finally came.

The bad one I’d been trying so hard to keep away.

Everything fell apart again,

and this time, I can’t Photoshop my own mistake.

I lied to them, to myself.

When you’re doing well in your career,

why must love be the one to break you?

I don’t understand this life.

I love reading, yet I’m such a picky reader.

I love writing, but only when my heart feels like it.

Dear God, what am I supposed to do with this life?

I’ve lost my motivation not even family can bring it back.

Should I return to my hometown and start over?

But am I ready to step down to live with less?

I don’t think I am.

And yet, I do love my job.

A job I never imagined I’d have.

I’m a team leader now.

Once, I was just an agent who thought her life

would stay stuck at “staff” forever.

But You gave me a chance,

and I tried really tried.

With luck, and my parents’ quiet prayers,

I found my way here.

Still… despite the noise and rush of work,

my heart slipped into a tragedy.

Three men,

three stories tangled in one confused heart.

I don’t know which one belongs to my future

or if any of them ever will.

hurt note today

It feels different going back to Jakarta 

I go back to Jakarta without assurement. How my life is going to be. I am hesitate to go abroad to Malaysia. Also there's something wrong with going back to previous company.

This is so hurt. I never want to face this kind of problem. Finding job should never follow other people. It shouls come to myself, my need and my capabilities.

Now everything has changed. I can't photoshoped my own mistakes. I can't find any good solution. Even I have told many people about my problem. But no one could make my heart calm. It just hurt. Even I go to Malaysia, there's also feeling hurt. Everything has messed up. Yup, disappointed. With my own act.

God help me.

I don't have a motivation

Hi, currently I don't have any motivation for life. It's left my family matter that still in my priority. No other than that. I just gonna work hard and help my parents that's all.

No marriage, no kids, not even love.