Kecewa

Aku kecewa sekali

Semoga Tuhan membalas apa yang telah terjadi

Ini berat rasanya karena aku difitnah dan rasanya sudah melewati batas wajar

Cause you have a bad day

Because you had a bad day, you're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know, you tell me, don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Yes, that day finally came.

The bad one I’d been trying so hard to keep away.

Everything fell apart again,

and this time, I can’t Photoshop my own mistake.

I lied to them, to myself.

When you’re doing well in your career,

why must love be the one to break you?

I don’t understand this life.

I love reading, yet I’m such a picky reader.

I love writing, but only when my heart feels like it.

Dear God, what am I supposed to do with this life?

I’ve lost my motivation not even family can bring it back.

Should I return to my hometown and start over?

But am I ready to step down to live with less?

I don’t think I am.

And yet, I do love my job.

A job I never imagined I’d have.

I’m a team leader now.

Once, I was just an agent who thought her life

would stay stuck at “staff” forever.

But You gave me a chance,

and I tried really tried.

With luck, and my parents’ quiet prayers,

I found my way here.

Still… despite the noise and rush of work,

my heart slipped into a tragedy.

Three men,

three stories tangled in one confused heart.

I don’t know which one belongs to my future

or if any of them ever will.

hurt note today

It feels different going back to Jakarta 

I go back to Jakarta without assurement. How my life is going to be. I am hesitate to go abroad to Malaysia. Also there's something wrong with going back to previous company.

This is so hurt. I never want to face this kind of problem. Finding job should never follow other people. It shouls come to myself, my need and my capabilities.

Now everything has changed. I can't photoshoped my own mistakes. I can't find any good solution. Even I have told many people about my problem. But no one could make my heart calm. It just hurt. Even I go to Malaysia, there's also feeling hurt. Everything has messed up. Yup, disappointed. With my own act.

God help me.

I don't have a motivation

Hi, currently I don't have any motivation for life. It's left my family matter that still in my priority. No other than that. I just gonna work hard and help my parents that's all.

No marriage, no kids, not even love.

hai

Hi, how's life?

All the best for you guys. Cause I'm not okay right now. Hahaha.

Well, it's been so long time I didn't touch this blog. I was busy with my life and work and other stuffs that made me overthink all the day.

It's 26 Oct 2023 and I'm still nothing but a useless human being, poor, full of mistake and still failed at love.

I think I was a kind of 'Cenayang' to my post in 2020 #refrain about religion thing that make a barrier?

Wow that is now happening to me. What the hec. Why it has to be me. 

2-2-23

I think I'm completely a loser.

I failed at work, I failed at making friends, I failed at love too. Why the heck the world is cruel. I hate this to live a hell in my life. 

I don't wanna make my parents dissapoint too. Yet, I think I don't have enough power to stand in this world anymore.

Tonight, I feel the most desperate person here. I don't know which road I should take next. I'm completely lost. 

Redflags

 Halo semuanya yang nyasar di blog ku, selamat membaca keluh kesahku yang tiada henti.

23 November 2021

Hari ini adalah (mungkin) hari dimana aku akan mengakhiri penderitaanku sebagai budak di suatu perusahaan dan akan memulai menjadi budak di perusahaan lain. Ugh, aku benar-benar stres akhir-akhir ini. Hidup memang naik turun. Setelah kebahagiaan, maka muncullah kesedihan. Bayangkan saja, aku baru saja wisuda sebulan yang lalu, tepat tanggal 23 Oktober. Hidupku di dunia pekerjaan bukannya semakin membaik namun justru semakin memburuk hingga pada puncaknya pada hari ini. Aku dan beberapa orang lainnya 'dirumahkan'. Sudah semakin jelas bahwa ada semacam redflag bagi aku untuk resign.

Aku memang sudah tidak tahan lagi, rasanya sudah tidak bersemangat bekerja di situ, bahkan setelah aku speak up tentang kegelisahanku pada orang tuaku, aku tetap stres dan mereka meminta aku bertahan. Namun, aku sudah tidak kuat lagi menghadapi ini. Aku terlalu stres dan bukannya aku merasa gengsi atau bagaimana, tapi ke-stres-an ku ini membuat aku tidak bisa berpikir apapun.

Sejak awal bulan November, memang sudah ada banyak sekali tanda-tanda bahwa mereka memang sedang mengeliminasi karyawan.

Huft, sudahlah.

Bagiku, memang sudah waktunya, dan mungkin aku tidak kompeten pada bidang pekerjaan ini, jam kerja yang tidak pasti, dan berbagai lika-liku lainnya. Entah apa, terserah mereka yang masih bertahan mau berkomentar apa tentang diriku, mungkin aku akan dijelek-jelekkan, atau dianggap tidak akan sukses, yasudah.

Ada banyak hal yang tidak seharusnya aku ceritakan disini. Yang jelas, aku ingin hidupku balance, antara pekerjaan, kehidupan, dan ibadah. Itu.

Sekian teman-teman yang sudah membaca ini. Aku harap kalian sukses semua ya dan dimudahkan di segala urusan. Selamat bersenang-senang dengan hidup.